Taxes

I was in tax class Monday night, and we had to look something up in our government tax code, under hobby income.  As I was looking for the right information, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks as I re-read it.  The government requires that you report under income all BRIBES you receive.  Ok, nothing like some self incrimination, but hey, at least you won't go to jail for not paying taxes on all your income!  As I kept reading, looking for the right information that we were told to find, I see that all KICK BACKS also must be reported as income on line 1 of your 1040.  Alrighty then.  Keep looking for the right information, Amy, and stop laughing at the tax code.....  WAIT A MINUTE!!!  THE FAIR MARKET VALUE OF ALL STOLEN PROPERTY must also be reported as income.  As you can imagine, I am now laughing out loud pointing these things out to my 3 classmates, as they have all diligently been looking for (and found) the answer that Thelma had asked us for.  Not only do I find it ridiculous that the government says to report this as income, it is also classified as HOBBY INCOME.  Yes, sir, my hobby is being a cat burgerler, I need to deduct my hobby expenses of rope and gloves, and report my income of $ XXXX.